wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
