was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
