You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
