i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
