Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
