...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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