I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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