she kept yelling 'call me bella'
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
