This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
