She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
