I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This gyro tastes like lonliness
where are you?
Hypothermia
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
