It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ugly people sure do ruin things
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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