I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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