u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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