I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
