You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
