You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
