they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
