she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
