Jerry, you need to find god
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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