So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
