***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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