I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
