Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
