So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
