did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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