I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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