since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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