Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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