road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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