Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
