I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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