I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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