Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i out mim tonsoeep
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
