final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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