Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
