Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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