Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
