we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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