She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
