Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
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