Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Rumble strips road head = magical
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
