i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
