if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
