So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
