She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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