yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
