he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
