So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
