my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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