This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
