and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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